The Day 8 assignment in Blogging 101: Meet the neighbors, which means we Blogging 101 participants were to visit new blogs, ones we haven’t visited before, and leave comments. Day 9’s assignment is to take the gist or spirit of a comment and make that the seed of a new blog post here. I’m running a little behind (Day 10 assignment is already posted), but here’s the result of 8 & 9.
I visited several blogs, all of them strong, and then one in particular struck me: a clean, beautiful space called Timeless Wheel. I skimmed the posts, and one drew me in.
The writer is several months post-breakup. My heart ached for her, and her account brought back a difficult time in my life. I left some comforting words for the writer without being too cliched, I hope, because when someone is hurting, the last thing she needs to hear is “you’ll get over it” or “the hurt won’t last” or “you’ll find someone better.”
And no, I did not leave that sage advice, “Just be glad you didn’t marry him.” After the breakup of my marriage, I was a mess, totally preoccupied with my hurt and anger. Because of my children, I managed to get up in the morning, get dressed, get them dressed and fed and out of the house and to school. Somehow, I functioned, too. I’d started a new job that fall, teaching in a preschool, which was a good thing. How could I be a sad sack around four-year-old children?
My own kids were sad and scared. One put his fist through the wall. One retreated into himself. One had night terrors. The youngest clung to me. But somehow the days passed and I muddled through, crying at the slightest provocation, calling my ex at all hours of the night. Then one day, a good friend took me aside. I’ll call her *M*.
*M* never hesitated to speak her mind, and that morning, she delivered a hard truth: it was time to pull myself together and get on with it, she said; she (and others) were tired of my moping around and dragging everybody down. That I had too much going for me to let him ruin my life.
Dragging everybody down? Too much going for me? I remember my first thought: she couldn’t possibly understand. She’d been married to the same man for many years. They’d survived. They still loved each other.
I was indignant and embarrassed. But deep down, I knew she was right. I still had a long way to go, but that moment was a turning point.
I hope the writer at Timeless Wheel is able to “get on with it,” too. That she’ll realize she doesn’t need anybody else to complete her. That she is whole even–maybe especially–when she’s alone. It took a long time for me to understand that and to feel worthy and lovable. I hope it won’t take her as long to find her clean, beautiful space again. I wish her luck.
Thanks to Blogging 101 for these terrific challenges! We are sharing our stories here–sometimes funny, sometimes heartbreaking. But our stories all the same. Cheers.