A Clean, Beautiful Place

The Day 8 assignment in Blogging 101: Meet the neighbors, which means we Blogging 101 participants were to visit new blogs, ones we haven’t visited before, and leave comments. Day 9’s assignment is to take the gist or spirit of a comment and make that the seed of a new blog post here. I’m running a little behind (Day 10 assignment is already posted), but here’s the result of 8 & 9.

I visited several blogs, all of them strong, and then one in particular struck me: a clean, beautiful space called Timeless Wheel. I skimmed the posts, and one drew me in.

The writer is several months post-breakup. My heart ached for her, and her account brought back a difficult time in my life. I left some comforting words for the writer without being too cliched, I hope, because when someone is hurting, the last thing she needs to hear is “you’ll get over it” or “the hurt won’t last” or “you’ll find someone better.”

DSCF6531
Lonely Road / Gerry Wilson

And no, I did not leave that sage advice, “Just be glad you didn’t marry him.” After the breakup of my marriage, I was a mess, totally preoccupied with my hurt and anger. Because of my children, I managed to get up in the morning, get dressed, get them dressed and fed and out of the house and to school. Somehow, I functioned, too. I’d started a new job that fall, teaching in a preschool, which was a good thing. How could I be a sad sack around four-year-old children?

My own kids were sad and scared. One put his fist through the wall. One retreated into himself. One had night terrors. The youngest clung to me. But somehow the days passed and I muddled through, crying at the slightest provocation, calling my ex at all hours of the night. Then one day, a good friend took me aside. I’ll call her *M*.

*M* never hesitated to speak her mind, and that morning, she delivered a hard truth: it was time to pull myself together and get on with it, she said; she (and others) were tired of my moping around and dragging everybody down. That I had too much going for me to let him ruin my life.

Dragging everybody down? Too much going for me? I remember my first thought: she couldn’t possibly understand. She’d been married to the same man for many years. They’d survived. They still loved each other.

I was indignant and embarrassed. But deep down, I knew she was right. I still had a long way to go, but that moment was a turning point.

I hope the writer at Timeless Wheel is able to “get on with it,” too. That she’ll realize she doesn’t need anybody else to complete her. That she is whole even–maybe especially–when she’s alone. It took a long time for me to understand that and to feel worthy and lovable. I hope it won’t take her as long to find her clean, beautiful space again. I wish her luck.

 

Thanks to Blogging 101 for these terrific challenges! We are sharing our stories here–sometimes funny, sometimes heartbreaking. But our stories all the same. Cheers.

 

4 thoughts on “A Clean, Beautiful Place

  1. How very kind of you to reach out to comfort another. Your post is very touching, and very true. It is important for us to know our worth, especially when we’re by ourselves .. but, this can be hard sometimes. Thanks for sharing!

  2. Thank you for sharing. We all have our own problems in life. A few months after our son was born we realised he couldn’t see properly. He had Retinitis Pigmentosa. We were so worried and always wondering why this has happened. But once we accepted the problem it was easier for us to plan our life. I love reading and I did not want him to miss out the world of books. I started reading to him from the time he could understand. He is now 32 and will be soon completing his Phd in English Literature. He is very confident and went to US in 2014 to attend a conference and present a paper and last year to London to present a paper at a conference. Life is what we make of it. Regards.

  3. Gerry Wilson! I am so touched by your post.

    ‘And no, I did not leave that sage advice, “Just be glad you didn’t marry him.”’
    – A lot of people have actually told me this! And I kind of do get it… I sort of cannot compare what would be worse and better because it hurts, and there is no measure of pain… (i think). But I can completely understand how much more difficult and challenging it is when you’re married and even more with kids. In my mind we were sort of married, but that was just me being delusional.

    No one was dependent on me and I could afford to skip work for a day, spend all day in bed crying, not worry about anybody else… but you couldn’t. You had to keep going for your children and that is so, so commendable and so strong.

    One thing I didn’t do was call him because he clearly said he doesn’t love me any longer, moved on and doesn’t want me to contact him. I felt a disconnect from his side and felt like he got transferred to another planet thereafter.

    Friends like M are just great! Tough, but they get us out of our vicious cycle of ruining our lives.

    Thank you so much for inspiring me and all your kind words 🙂 ❤

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